Sarah Mears, Chief Human Resources and Legal Officer

For many years, the only thing that could pull me from a work meeting or off a conference call was a message from my daughter or a close family member, saying “I need you now.” I’ve recently added another phrase to my “emergency” lexicon that will make me stand up and leave a room: “Do you have eight minutes?”

Now I recognize those five words as a call for help, and when I see them, I know that someone dear to me—family, friend or colleague—is in a dire emotional state and I need to respond immediately.

As Chief Human Resources and Legal Officer for MUFG Investor Services, I’ve made it a priority to work with my team to introduce and refine mental wellness programs and coping tools to help our colleagues navigate complicated personal struggles. It’s ingrained in our culture and supported by my colleagues on the Executive Committee, who believe deeply in caring for employees on a human and business level.

But I did not truly realize how significant those challenges could be until I experienced them firsthand. I am a very private person but knowing this will be published during Mental Health Awareness Month in the US, I wanted to share my story about the importance of human connection, asking for help, and being there for others.

Sometimes when you least expect it, you can find yourself on the tracks of an emotional locomotive heading straight at you. For me, that began last fall when my brother—and best friend—was told he had bladder cancer. Then my mother became ill in November. While she was recovering, we spent Christmas and New Year’s together, but she unexpectedly suffered acute kidney failure and passed away in early January. My daughter-in-law, aged just 31, learned she might have cervical cancer in March, and in April, my four-year-old goddaughter was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin lymphoma. We spent Easter together in the pediatric cancer ward at The Royal Marsden Hospital in London. It was an incredibly humbling and inspiring week.

My emotions during the last eight months have run the full spectrum: Hope, sadness, confusion, desperation, anger. Overwhelmed? At times, absolutely. And I asked the same questions that many people think about in the same situation: If you are the person caring for others, who cares for you? How do you ask for help? Should I bother my friends who are busy with their own lives?

I was reluctant to reach out for support, but my perspective changed when I discovered the “Do you have eight minutes?” videos by Simon Sinek, business leadership author and speaker. He tells the story about developing the “eight minutes” code phrase with a friend who had been struggling, but sent such general messages that Sinek didn’t realize that they were a call for help. Sinek describes the importance of connection, reaching out to close friends when struggling, and how something as brief as an eight-minute conversation can make all the difference. “Everybody has eight minutes,” he said. “You don’t have to fix anything. You acknowledge they need help and just let them know they are not alone.”

Sinek’s videos build on a newspaper article and research that described how brief telephone conversations helped reduce depression, anxiety, and loneliness. The videos made me think about how the process begins and how we ask for help in dealing with life’s pressures. How many times has someone asked, “Are you all right?” and the fast answer is “Fine, fine. Great!” Which is true, until suddenly, it’s not—and there’s no way to control whether that shift occurs during a meeting, conference call, or a school event with a child. An “eight minutes” message can help people find solace in those moments.

Given my role, I know that providing relevant mental wellness resources is particularly important in the workplace, where people may feel especially vulnerable or frightened. Our firm offers a range of services that include our Employee Assistance Program, as well as members of senior management who have trained as Mental Health Coaches, and Mental Health “First Aiders,” who are employees trained to provide initial support to colleagues. This year, we’re in the process of doubling the number of mental health coaches—executive directors and above—and we plan to run another two rounds of our Mental Health First Aider training to ensure that we have them in every time zone where we do business.

Increasingly, we’ve found that people may need to rely on a variety of tools to address mental health and wellness issues. And we continue to work diligently to help remove the stigma people may feel when seeking help to address anxiety and depression.

When I reflect on the last eight months, I’ve learned a great deal about mental wellness and managing life challenges. My colleagues on the Executive Committee, and especially our CEO John Sergides, have been incredibly supportive and some have already embraced the “eight minutes” concept. My HR and Legal colleagues have been absolutely amazing, showing up for me and being there in so many ways.

My experience also has driven home the importance of spending time with the people you love. Thankfully, my brother is cancer-free and my daughter-in-law’s results were pre-cancerous; they are both doing well. I speak to my brother, son and daughter-in-law every day. My goddaughter continues to receive treatment, and when we’re together, we spend time looking for “collateral beauty,” or small moments of absolute joy, such as going for a walk, crafting to make her hospital ward more homey, and picking flowers.

We all have moments in our lives when it feels like we’ve been hit by that emotional train. I’m learning that, like a jigsaw puzzle, there can be many pieces to recovery, regaining balance, and mental wellness. It’s critical to recognize what those pieces look like and where they fit to find the help you need.

It might be therapy. It might be medication. Or it might be serving as a friendly voice on the other end of a telephone when someone close to you asks:

“Do you have eight minutes?”